Work Ephiphany

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 9, 2016 by Forrest Pasky

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As I repeatedly kicked my boss in the crotch

with my boot the man who always wore

a vest made of dynamite to work began to cry.

Slowly at first and then more and more,

until finally he was openly sobbing.

Dynamite vest man:

Why, oh why are you doing this?

What could possibly make you do something like this?

Especially, with the Christmas present

I gave you of the steel-toed boots.

It was at that point I had an epiphany.

He was right.

How inconsiderate I had been.

I went to my office and put on my steel-toed boots

and returned to my crotch kicking.

Although, my boss was unconscious

from all the kicking I could tell he was happy.

It was as if his soul had been washed.

Well, washed with sulfuric acid.

Still, it was pretty clean.

The Day that Guy Took My Parking Place at Work

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 8, 2016 by Forrest Pasky

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Bandwagon

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2016 by Forrest Pasky

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First I jumped on the bandwagon.

Then I jumped off the bandwagon.

Then I jumped on the bandwagon.

My boss looked at me and told me I was a fickle fan

when it came to routing for the team.

I had no idea what he was talking about.

I just liked bandwagons.

 

Epilogue:

Doctor and police officer standing there.

My boss: “Can a monkey be charged with murder in this state?”

Police Officer: “No.”

My boss: “Proceed then with the operation to make me a monkey.”

Pep Talk from a Boss

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 5, 2016 by Forrest Pasky

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Peptalks from my boss were always uplifting

It was uplifting to not be him.

My boss said that he felt it was necessary to hire someone

to provide more leadership in our group.

Me to self: You’re allowed to hire someone to do your job?!

Then he said we needed to work smarter not harder.

Me to self:  Following your leadership example, couldn’t we just work stupider and lazier?

Afterthought: And uglier?

My boss: It’s important that we care about our jobs.

Me: Would you like me to care more?

I could care less.

Boss: That’s the spirit.

Incomplete Idiot

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 4, 2016 by Forrest Pasky

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I used to think my boss was a complete idiot.

For years I thought he was a complete idiot.

But then one day I realized he was an incomplete idiot at best.

He couldn’t do a lot of things that the other idiots could do.

I watched as he sat with the other bosses who were complete idiots

and as he struggled to keep up.

One boss had stuck a pencil in his ear and was talking into a banana like it was a telephone.

Another boss was bouncing what he thought was a rubber ball

on the ground repeatedly.

It was his kidney.

My boss just sat there.

You could tell he wanted to put his banana up his nose,

but he just sat there with a garden hose in one hand

flooding the room.

It was like a connect-the-dot drawing with only one dot

and he couldn’t connect that single dot.

I actually felt sorry for him.

My urge to kill him momentarily went away.

Momentarily.

Finally, his boss who was a complete idiot walked up and shoved the banana  up his nose and stuck the hose in his ear.

“What’s for lunch waiter, I’m famished?”

Suddenly being incomplete didn’t seem so bad.

When Hell Freezes Over

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 3, 2016 by Forrest Pasky

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Satan: I’m afraid I can’t let you into Hell.

Boss: Am I God?

Satan: Even Hell has standards.

Boss: Thank you. I would like an ice cream cone.

Boss: When do I get my 3 wishes?

Satan:I keep telling you I’m not a Genie!

Satan: I’m sorry we can’t let you into Hell.

Boss: Is it because I’m smarter than you?

Satan: When you say “smarter”, if what you mean is a bigger

“asshole”, then yes.

Boss: I’ll need a bigger “halo” than you to indicate I’m smarter.

Satan: I don’t wear a halo.

Boss: Then any size halo will make the point.

Boss: I’m hungry. When’s lunch?

Satan: Hell’s closed for renovations.

Boss: Are they making my office bigger.

Satan: Yes. Yes, that’s exactly it.

Satan: I’m sending you back to Earth until the renovations

are complete.

Boss: When will that be?

Satan: When Hell freezes over.

Boss’s Day

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 2, 2016 by Forrest Pasky

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October 17 is Boss’s Day.

Boss’s Day is kind of like celebrating Hitler’s Birthday.

Celebrating Boss’s Day is a lot like your doctor sending you a text message that you have cancer

and you decide to go out and get a dozen donuts because he didn’t say anything about your weight.

Why not just call it “Asshole’s Day?”

I suppose that’s not politically correct.

It might hurt the feeling of people that were just “assholes.”

Celebrating Boss’s Day is a lot like sitting in the electric chair

and saying:“Go ahead and piss on me before you turn up the electricity, I’ll conduct better!”

Another good option would be to call it

“Satan Hates Us Day.”

But Satanists would probably be offended.

I’m sorry if any of my comments here have offended anyone.

Especially, if I have insulted Satan or Hitler.