Weekly Work Journal

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Weekly Work Diary

Monday

I had systematically gone through the pink donut box and eaten

all the frosting off the donuts that had sprinkles.

Also chocolate and maple.

Well, any that had frosting.

So when people came in to get their donuts

they encountered a box of naked donuts with gnaw marks.

As most people would not believe that a human being would do something

like this, I criticized management for their lack of control

over the rodent problem.

A man walked by with a tuba.

Me: “Look a guy with a tuba. “

“He was supposed to take care of the rats.”

“Get him! “

Wednesday

Some bosses refer to you as “valued team members”

or even “colleagues.”

Some bosses are more old school and refer to you as a “subordinate.”

I like being referred to as a “subordinate.”

This implied inferiority of my position makes me feel

less guilty when I don’t do any work.

I actually feel pretty darn good about this.

If such a boss were ever to ask about this lack of performance

I would just say:

“Well, what did you expect? I’m a subordinate.”

“I don’t know why you hired a subordinate in the first place.”

Friday

In retrospect it was probably a mistake to wear that bear

costume on “casual Friday.”

The previous Friday a bear had badly mauled a number of employees

and they never did catch him.

As the horse tranquiller they shot me in the butt with was starting to take

effect, it was also probably a bad idea to send out those last few emails.

I think I wrote one about bears not being terrorists,

which I inadvertently typed up as: “I am The Bear Terrorist.”

In the end HR had to let me go or it would look like they were

“profiling” bears.

And my new nickname “The Bear Terrorist”

made other employees fear me.

Me: “Look a guy with a tuba. Get him!”

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