Self-Starter

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His resume said he was a “self-starter.”

Thank God.

I sure didn’t want to have to start him every morning.

Even though there was a lawn mower cord hanging out of his ear

that made me want put my foot against his side of his head on the floor and give it a good pull.

It was odd that the boss had me interviewing this person.

They never let me interview anyone.

Perhaps he was interviewing to be my replacement.

What a cruel and bitter joke that would be.

But as I love jokes I played along.

Me:”So you’re here to interview for the job?”

Interviewee:”Yes.”

Me: “I didn’t ask you if you thought I had a nice pair of pants!”

Me to self: “Man the arrogance of some of these job seekers.”

Me:”So what’s your name?”

Interviewee:”It’s on my resume.”

Me: “Whoah, too much information!”

Me to self: “Man the arrogance of some of these job seekers.”

Me: “Close your eyes.”

Inerviewee: “What?”

Me: “Please this is a visualization exercise can you please close your eyes?”

Interviewee closes eyes.

Me: “Here catch this bowling bowl.”

Me: “Hmmm. Guess I should have said that last part out loud.

Now this guy is taking up valuable space unconscious on the floor.

Well, at least the visualization exercise was successful.

We all gathered around the unconscious jobseeker and had photos

taken while we enjoyed our coffee.

Everyone agreed that this would provide a hilarious visual for our

group Christmas card.

But no matter how much I pulled on this lawn mower cord with my foot against

his head I couldn’t seem to get him to started.

Guess, that’s why he’s a self-starter.

Interviewee in dazed state: Where. Where am I?

Me: “Can you please hold your questions until the end of the interview?!”

Me:“Man the arrogance of some of these job seekers.”

Me:”If you could be one animal what  one animal would you be?
Interviewee: “I dunno.”

Me:”The correct answer is the animal that kills and eats all the other animals.”

“Did you learn nothing from your time in prison!”

“That’s it keep walking.”

“Walk into the light.”

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