Archive for July, 2015

Boss Vote

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2015 by Forrest Pasky

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At first we thought the boss was an idiot.

Then we thought he was a genius.

Then we thought he was an idiot.

But once again we thought he was a genius.

Finally, we stopped our counting our boss’s vote

and were unanimous on “idiot.”

Genius Haircut

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 25, 2015 by Forrest Pasky

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I told my boss I thought he was the most brilliant person alive.
He struggled to grasp what I was talking about.
I thought to myself: Why is it always this way with geniuses
Sir Issace Newton didn’t know how to make a pot of coffee.
Actually, that was my boss.
Einstein didn’t know how to flush.
Sorry, that again was my boss.
Let’s say your boss walks up to you and asks what day it is?
Your response: I didn’t know you were still alive.
It’s flattering. It’s like that celebrity that no one has heard anything from for a long time.
Probably because of drug problems.
Clearly your boss is both a celebrity and a genius.
How else can you explain that haircut?

Cringe

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 23, 2015 by Forrest Pasky

cringe

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How often does your boss make you cringe during a day?
A hundred times?
A thousand times?
More?
If so, you might want to take steps to avoid a repetitive motion injury.
In some cases you may find it helpful to use a supportive belt or body harness.
Taking regular breaks to stretch and loosen your “cringing” muscles can be helpful.
Some companies will hire a certified masseuse to lessen the chance of a costly workman’s
compensation claim.
Most responsible HR departments will just recommend that if there is a chance your boss
will talk to you that day that you just wear ear plugs.

Super Boss

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2015 by Forrest Pasky

superboss

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Faster than a Baby Boomer texting.

More powerful than a PowerPoint presentation with animation.

Able to leap to in front of you and grab the last donut with sprinkles.

Look up in the sky!

It’s a ball of noxious gas spewing stupidity.

That, or Super Boss.

Interview with a Boss

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 16, 2015 by Forrest Pasky

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Me: What do you consider the most important trait of leadership?

Boss: Where are my pants?

Me: What advice do you have for anyone starting out in business today?

Boss: Do they have my pants?

Me: How important are people skills?

Boss: Did you take my parking space?

Me: What do you know now that you wish you knew when you started out?

Boss: They keep extra rolls of toilette paper in the cabinet under the sink.

Me: How do you manage all the demands on your time?

Boss: Mysterious brown paper bags of food appear in the refrigerator.

Me: What is the secret to your success?

Boss: I never respond to your emails because I don’t know how to read.

 

 

Wiggle Room

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2015 by Forrest Pasky

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I’m not afraid to wiggle.

That’s why when someone says something

mundane like “I love you.”

I respond, “Is there any wiggle room there?”

Most people appreciate bosses who provide wiggle room.

I don’t know about the “I love you” part.