Archive for February, 2014

Apologies

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 28, 2014 by Forrest Pasky

Sometimes it’s just easier to say you’re sorry.

Especially, if you don’t mean it.

It saves time and prevents you from having

to talk to somebody that you probably don’t like.

For example.

I’m sorry that you’re so stupid.

Or…

I’m sorry that I pointed out the fact that you’re fat.

Or…

I’m sorry that I brought to your attention that you are both fat and stupid.

An apology takes such little effort.

Especially, if it gets the other person to shut up and go away.

If someone is particularly sensitive you can pretend

to cry while saying you’re sorry.

For an even greater affect you might fake a heart attack.

Even better you could pretended to die while apologizing.

Come to think of it perhaps just pretending you’re

dead from the start is the best approach.

And best approach for all interactions with your boss.

Super-Genius

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2014 by Forrest Pasky

If you are like me your boss has no doubt made a significant contribution

to building your self-confidence, your belief in yourself, and helping you

reach your full potential

For all of us who have been served by such a boss I dedicate

the following poem…

Super-Genius

I never considered myself a super-genius, until you built up my confidence.

I never considered myself a super-genius, until you made me believe in myself.

I never considered myself a super-genius, until you convinced me of my full potential.

I never considered myself a super-genius, until I met you.

Probably because you’re such an idiot.

Thanks stupid.

Think Outside The Box

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2014 by Forrest Pasky

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Beating a Dead Horse

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2014 by Forrest Pasky

Beating A Dead Horse

“I think you have beat that dead
horse long enough.”

I looked up a couple of my
bosses who said this and could not believe what I was hearing.

I wasn’t anywhere near done
beating that dead horse.

In fact, I was really only
getting started.

I tried to explain to them that
the horse was dead and thus was an ideal and
logical candidate to address my beating needs.

They would have nothing to do
with my argument.

I countered that my only other
recourse was to beat them.

Fortunately, they were dressed
in a pantomime horse outfit.

So things worked out for
everybody.

How to Be Helpful and Liked

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2014 by Forrest Pasky

Sometimes I like to be helpful.

I say to my boss: “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Or: “Is there anything I can possibly do to help?”

Or even: “What in God’s name can I possibly do to help?”

But he never takes me up on my offer.

Sometimes in meetings I try to help others better

understand my boss’s decision making process.

I say to my boss: “What were you thinking?”

Or: “What were you possibly thinking?”

Or even: “What in God’s name were you possibly thinking?”

However, he never elaborates.

People like other people that wear paper hats.

It’s a proven scientific fact.

So if you want to increase your popularity,

might I suggest you try wearing a paper hat.

And shaving off that Hitler Moustache.

At Work We Grew to Hate the Zombies

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2014 by Forrest Pasky

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In the End Everyone Dies

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2014 by Forrest Pasky

My boss likes to complain.

Complaining all the time will earn you a reputation.

A reputation for being someone people can count on.

Someone people can count on to complain all the time.

People may not care what you are complaining about.

Or even if you exist.

What they do care about is that they can depend on you.

Depend on you to be the person that is always complaining.

Nobody likes a person that’s moody.

People like other people that behave in a consistent manner.

Like when you are consistently complaining.

This is much preferable to being moody.

In the end everyone dies.

It’s inevitable, so there’s no point in complaining.

But it’s probably fine if you complain anyway.

When you’re being judged by God or the Devil,

I don’t think anyone will care if you complain.

The last thing anyone else in line wants

is someone who’s moody.