Archive for May, 2013

Evil Boss #33

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 31, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

Stupidity-Proof Vest: #2

It was a new day.

And I was ready to try again to put an end to the mindless
blithering of my boss, his boss, and the rest of the “chain of command.”

My boss: “I see you’re wearing your stupidity-proof vest
again.

This time right-side out.

Good.

I’m wearing the ‘pants of intelligence.’

And there some business plans I would like to discuss with you.”

Me: “You’re not even wearing pants.”

“God damn it!
“This thing doesn’t work at all!”

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Evil Boss #42

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

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Evil Boss #43

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

A work fairy tale…

Mr. Ladybug

Mr. Ladybug showed up on the first day of his new job

and the teasing began immediately.

Mr. Grasshopper: “Ah ha, you’re a ladybug.”

Mr. Centipede: “Well, lookie here. How about a curtsey

Mr. Ladybug?”

Mrs. Cockroach: “Oh you look so pretty. I wish I had your figure.”

Then Mr. Pregnant Male Seahorse swam up:

“Well hello, Mr. Ladybug.”

“Looking at you I can think of nothing more effeminate.”

Mr. Ladybug on way home in the car:

“F*cking Seahorse!”

“Let’s see him get his pregnant ass into a thong.”

Evil Boss #44

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 20, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

The Web Bully

I get tired of web bullies.

And all the web bullying.

Especially at work.

Here’s an example of emails from my tormentors on a typical day.

My boss; “Can you PLEASE do some work today?”

Me: Man, what’s with this guy?

Same message as yesterday.

Actually, same message every day.

Maybe I should complain to HR about the harassment.

Oh wait, here’s an email from HR:

“Can you PLEASE do some work today?”

Me: Man , HR ‘s in on it too. Perhaps it’s sexual harassment.

Receptions at front desk: “You left your car lights on.”

Email from guy in cubicle next to mine:

“If  you are not going to do any work today could you at least stop

making that farting noise with your arm pit

and put on some pants?”

This email was just plain mean and made me want to cry.

I went over to his cubicle and urinated poured coffee into his keyboard.

Receptions at front desk: “Can you please move your car it’s in a loading zone?”

Big boss: “How’s the overdue critical presentation

I asked you to prepare for the investors coming?”

Me: He was serious about that?

Woman in cubicle on my other side: “Perhaps if you aren’t going to do any work today,  have nothing to do with your time

but making that farting noise with your arm pit,  and refuse to wear pants you should have worked from home today.”

Me: “Bitch! She knows I don’t have any donuts at home.”

Receptions at front desk: “There is a dog locked in your car with the windows rolled all the way up in the sun.”

HR: “Can you PLEASE put on some pants.”

Me: And impede my access to donuts?!!

Receptions at front desk: “Your car is on fire.”

My boss:”Can you PLEASE leave some donuts for the other employees?”

Me: This sounds like a trick to get me to put on some pants.

Receptions at front desk: “The remains of your car have fallen into a sink hole in the parking lot

caused by the explosion of the snake poison truck.”

HR: “Security will be by shortly with a box for your things.”

Me: Finally, more donuts!

Evil Boss #46

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

Gibberish

My boss’s comment regarding my presentation was:

“This is a bunch of gibberish.”

I had to admit it was true.

I had worked for one of the top gibbon monkey

companies in town, and it was pretty much just

a rehashed PowerPoint from my time there.

It was pure gibberish.

Pure and utter gibberish.

The kind gibbon monkeys reward in your annual review.

The Vice President raised his hand:

“Does this presentation include any Pie Charts?”

Me: “No.”

He got up and left the room.

Our newest Vice President entered the room.

He was a gibbon monkey.

Gibbon Monkey Boss:

“Does this presentation include any Pie Charts?”

Me: “No.”

Please add 3 and publish as our Annual Report.

Evil Boss #47

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

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Evil Boss #50

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

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Someone slips my boss a pair of “x-ray” glasses and he completely

misses the solar eclipse.