Archive for January, 2013

Evil Boss #146

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

Office Politics

I hate office politics.

Who doesn’t?

They say one should never talk sex, religion, or politics in business.

Do we avoid discussing politics because it is not politically correct?

That would seem to make sense.

Though I don’t see what is not politically correct

about talking about sex and religion.

Not much politics there.

Maybe you’re not supposed to talk about them at the same time.

Like the Virgin Mary how did she get pregnant anyway without having sex.

If Jesus was God’s son, did God get her pregnant?

If God created Mary, then he could get arrested for doing that today.

It’s all a bit tricky.

Now I see why they advise us to never talk about sex

and religion at work.

Which brings us back to office politics.

I hate office politics.

Unless it’s political suicide.

Then we can start with my boss.

I would nominate him for President

if would start the process rolling.

Things are very political at work.

After I nominated him it’s quite possible

that he could be killed by a political assassin,

before getting the chance to commit political suicide.

That would be a shame.

Seems like a waste of a perfectly good suicide.

Well, at least there’s one area I think I can agree with my boss.

Whatever you do, whether it’s at work on in real life

its important to vote your conscience.

Even if you’re my boss.

Or the antichrist.

Let’s not split hairs.

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Evil Boss #147

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 30, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

Boilerplate

Working in a corporate environment I was running out

of bananas far too often, so I decided to go with private banana

delivery service. When the banana delivery service representative

came to the office, he pulled out a long contract for me to sign.

“What’s all of this?” I demanded.

Banana man politely: “Oh, it’s pretty much boilerplate.”

I ran it by legal at work and they agreed it was “pretty much boilerplate.”

The next day when I got to work I went to my cubicle to get my  my

bananas and there was a stack of metal boilerplates.

I had been swindled and was going to call the local news

station for help, but decided instead to call King Kong.

When King Kong arrived he was a lot shorter than I expected.

He was also balding and had a paunch. When we started to discuss

my situation he began to give me a seemingly endless stack of unsolicited

material, newspaper adds, and flyers. Although we were unable to rectify

the banana-boilerplate situation that night when I went to bed I gave

thanks to the Almighty in my prayers for the precious gift of life and

for making King Kong  our mailman.

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Evil Boss #148

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

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Green Vehicles

I think America business is focusing on the wrong area in green vehicles.

They need to focus on more viable technologies like how clowns

are able to get so many clowns into tiny clown cars.

When Neil Armstrong walked on the moon we had a “can do” attitude.

I don’t know why we aren’t more fully exploring this technology

other than it is being developed by clowns.

In this respect, the automotive industry needs to work with clown

lobbyists to help sell this technology to Congress.

As always it seems to boil down to the clowns in Washington.

Evil Boss #149

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 28, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

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Evil Boss #154

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

Self-Deprecating Humor

My boss said he had a self-defecating sense of humor.

Of course he meant self-deprecating.

But after giving it further thought,

I realized self-defecating was correct.

I’d say this was more a Freudian slip than an incorrect use of language.

It’s kind of like a poem about a septic tank.

You just don’t expect it.

That made me think of my boss wearing a slip and sitting in a septic tank.

I think this would probably appeal to his self-defecating sense of humor.

Evil Boss #155

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

Does It Look Like I Committed the Murder?

I’m a bit awkward in social situations.

I never know what to say.

So I figured the safe and polite way to go was to repeat

what someone may have asked me to show respect

and that I was listening.

The waitress said to me: “Top off that coffee?”

I replied: “Does it look like my coffee needs topped off?”

She didn’t top if off.

That was curious.

And my hamburger taste like somebody spit on it!

My boss: “How’s that important assignment going?”

I replied: “Does it look like I know how that important

assignment is going?

My boss: “You care about the success of the program for the company,

right?”

Me: “Does it look like care about the success of the program?”

He had me join him for lunch in the company cafeteria.

He said something to cook.

I got a hamburger that taste like somebody spit on it!

The district attorney… again: “Did you commit the murder?

Me: “Does it look like I committed the murder?

He threw his hands up in the air.

I thought perhaps he was signaling a touchdown,

but then they hand-cuffed me and put me in a holding cell

I got a hamburger that taste like somebody spit on it!

Years later as I stared out the from behind the bars

and reflected on the realities of life,

I could come to only one harsh conclusion.

The President was a robot.

Evil Boss #156

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 21, 2013 by Forrest Pasky

The Walk Away Boss

I don’t take my work or job too seriously.

Sometimes my boss comments on this.

I tell him I take him even less seriously.

This appears to be the right answer

as it makes him just walk away.

One time we spent a hour going over my goals

and development plan.

At the end of the hour he said: “Well, what do you think?”

My response: “I’m sorry, all that time you were talking to me?”

He just got up and walked away.

Things got very serious at work.

Our numbers were down and it looked like the company

might have to make some drastic changes.

My boss gave what appeared

to be a serious speech about something.

He said it was our mission to execute to this plan.

At the end he asked if there were any questions.

One guy said: “I’m sorry, all that time you were talking to us?”

Another guy asked if we would be getting sandwiches.

My boss just got up and walked away.

All-in-all he’s probably one of the best bosses I’ve ever had.

He acts real serious, but where other bosses might expect

something like an answer or some work,

he usually just gets up and walks away.

I give a 9 out of 10 on the boss scale.

He could improve that to a 10 if he were to get those sandwiches.